WELCOME TO PARADISE

Another day, another batch of fresh new murders! Stay away from the streets of Clearwood, 'cause the local gangs are bickering again---the Jackals are warring with the Skeleton Crew Necromancers! With nine deaths already, this one's building up to be a big one! So, unless you want the Jackals war hounds mauling at your corpse, or want to be brought back as an undead meat shield: Stay home after dark!

Meanwhile, over in Northcove, we've got water nixies dragging people into the ocean! This isn't unexpected; whenever the Cheirock reactor leaks, the undersea denizens get angry---and yesterday's leak was one of the worst we've seen. Thank the gods it's not kraken season! Oh, and don't you fret: your beach day will be safe in just a couple a' days, 'cause the Hell's Boys are already on the scene! It's nice to see a gang protecting people for once. It's called 'protection money' for a reason!

Much to the dismay of all you Paladin fans at home, their concert has been delayed, due to, guess what? Gang warfare? No! Not this time, surprisingly! The 'Church' of Ashes took offense to the band's name, all because the guy who manages their little inquisitions holds the title of 'paladin.' That's right: Their glorified cult wants to burn Jetty Stone at the stake! This city never stops surprising, does it?

As for the University, apart from the routine explosions and ungodly abominations, their artificers are closer and closer to releasing the next gen of the SOUL interface! This means that biological enchantments are about to get even more potent, dangerous, and expensive! Speed, resilience, spellcasting unmatched, all coming soon to your nearest retailer! ...For more money than any of us will ever see.

Now, I don't usually talk about myself, 'cause outta the twelve million people in this city, I'm sure as hell not one of the important ones. But, I just got my first death threat! To think someone cared about this show enough to consider murdering me just brings a tear of joy to my eye. Oh, and since I don't feel like dying yet, I got myself protected by today's sponsor: the Skulltrader Mercenary Guild! Never before have there been such affordable mercs just a click or phone call away! Use the coupon code 'TOMMYSENTME' for a ten percent discount on any hit or bodyguard jobs!

And when it comes to the war, the battle for our dearest Rooksbury is on the horizon. The Demilian Conglomerate and the Vezenian Empire are both winding up their punches! Tensions are rising, dragons and stealth bombers are flying in the distance! Who'll come out on top, you ask? Like it matters! There's no megacorp coalition or totalitarian leviathan that can hold us for long---I give it a year before whoever wins pulls outta here after we throw yet another revolution!